I had a problem with the middle finger on my right hand a while ago. It was popping when I flexed it and it hurt. I had to put it in a splint just to feel comfortable.
I thought of what he would have said if we were still together. He would have teased me about working that finger too much. It made me sad because I realized that that part of my life was gone.
The part of my life where I always had someone to talk to, share inside jokes with, have dumb arguments and conversation with, was gone.
I was thinking about this and I fell into a rabbit hole of memories.
I still remember his favorite food, his ramen order, and that he doesn’t like tuna on pasta.
I ate more pasta and ramen than I liked because he loved noodles and wasn’t as adventurous with food.
I remember teaching him how to use chopsticks properly. I didn’t get the chance to eat as much sushi or sashimi as I wanted to because he wasn’t a big fan.
We had jokes about the song Fireflies, the Rialto ride at Enchanted Kingdom, pig snorts, and farting during kissing.
We didn’t like the same music or movies or tv shows. Sometimes we were quiet because we had nothing to say to each other.
We bought a puppy years ago that got sick and died in our arms. We took comfort in each other after.
I remember having a dumbass argument about a game, and him doubting my photoshop skills.
I still remember what his sister’s favortie pastry is and I’m a little sad I never got to make it for her.
Almost all the stuffed toys I have on my bed are from him. One of them, he gave to me when I was in the hospital. He knew I was close to dying then but he didn’t tell me until later.
I still vividly remember the day he told me he loved me.
See, when you break up with someone, especially a long term relationship, you’re left with a bunch of useless information that takes time and a bit of work to forget, and a lot of memories. Some of them are happy, some are sad, some are stupid.
All of it hurts because at some point, you realize that after all that time, all you have left are memories and missed jokes.