Better Someday

Well, isn’t it convenient that my hands end where yours begin
and I can’t think of this thing without picturing you grin?
There’s a bit of fear, there’s a bit of shyness
We’ve got a lot of talk and no awkward silence

Well, don’t you wanna come and give me a kiss?
I’m starting to forget the taste of your lips
I still want to feel your arms around me
Our touch is vital, wouldn’t you agree?

Keep writing me letters saying that you’ll stay
Maybe I’ll feel better when I get to someday
And I’ll keep listening to every word you say
Maybe you’ll feel better one sweet day
Maybe we’ll be better someday

Hey, don’t you wanna lie down beside me?
See how we fit together so nice and neatly
I like how your touch feels against my skin
If this is a game, I’m pretty sure you’re gonna win

Hey, won’t you come a little bit closer?
Take control because this thing’s not over
Can’t you feel my fingers gliding across your chest?
You don’t need to see, just feel what happens next

Keep writing stories about the games we wanna play
Maybe we’ll go and get there someday
And I’ll keep waiting until you say it’s okay
Whenever that tomorrow becomes today
Maybe we’ll be better someday

Advertisements

The Breakup Chronicles, Chapter 5: Not the Same Love

I still loved him. No question. I was trying to get over him but it wasn’t working. But I was being strong and I did my best to not bother him anymore.

My mom passed away. It was sudden, as most deaths are. I didn’t tell anyone except family. It’s not really in my nature to tell everyone when something huge and heartbreaking has happened. I’m more of a write it down or do something creative with your pain kinda gal.

Anyway, he found out. And because we weren’t talking, he had to ask my friends who also didn’t know anything.

He went to my mom’s funeral and we talked for a bit. It hit me hard how much I missed someone like him to talk to. He was my friend for so long.

The day we cremated my mom, I told him how much I loved him and how I regretted ending things the way I did and how maybe my reasons for breaking up with him weren’t really that bad. I told him I’d do my best to win him back and if he didn’t want that, to tell me and there would be no hard feelings.

Fast forward a few weeks, we got back together. He told me he loved me too. It was amazing. I felt happy again and not as lonely anymore.

Then we had a fight. And he told me that I hadn’t changed and that maybe he made a mistake. I told him I wasn’t gonna let him go that easy again. I said I’d do whatever it took to prove to him that I wasn’t gonna hurt him anymore. And we were okay again.Read More »

The Breakup Chronicles, Chapter 4: Memories and Missed Jokes

I had a problem with the middle finger on my right hand a while ago. It was popping when I flexed it and it hurt. I had to put it in a splint just to feel comfortable.

I thought of what he would have said if we were still together. He would have teased me about working that finger too much. It made me sad because I realized that that part of my life was gone.

The part of my life where I always had someone to talk to, share inside jokes with, have dumb arguments and conversation with, was gone.

I was thinking about this and I fell into a rabbit hole of memories.

I still remember his favorite food, his ramen order, and that he doesn’t like tuna on pasta.

I ate more pasta and ramen than I liked because he loved noodles and wasn’t as adventurous with food.

Read More »

The Breakup Chronicles, Chapter 3: DO NOT MAKE DECISIONS WHEN YOU’RE SAD OR LONELY

I did meet someone through online dating. I liked him very much. He was nice and cute and constantly told me I was pretty. It was the self-esteem boost I really needed.

We had been talking for a few weeks, sending photos back and forth, and just flirting quite heavily. But then he started telling me that he had developed feelings for me.

Being a hopeless romantic, I would normally be excited about that. This time, it scared the shit out of me. Maybe I’ve gotten cynical but I don’t believe people can develop feelings that quickly. Especially without meeting in person or knowing anything fundamental about them. Of course, I assumed it was a line to get me to send nudes.

Then a few more weeks later, he said he’d actually fallen in love with me. Again, that scared the ever living shit out of me. I liked flirting with him but I wasn’t anywhere near falling for him. In fact, I kept reminding myself that this wasn’t going anything serious. I told myself to be smart for once and not to get attached.Read More »

The Breakup Chronicles, Chapter 2: Rebounding aka Online Garbage Collecting

Rebounding is like collecting garbage.

After breaking up with my boyfriend, I went looking for a rebound. I hoped that I would find someone new and maybe I wouldn’t feel so alone. And failing that, maybe I’d find someone hot I could drool over for a while.

Also, I wanted to win the breakup. Did I mention I was not in a good place?

So I went on Tinder. Tinder is good because you’re already weeding out people you’re not attracted to and who are not attracted to you. You match up with people who are interested and that should be it. You can get to know each other more.

Here are the problems. I hardly ever talked to anyone I matched with because either they weren’t online or I wasn’t. People who did message me either sent crude messages or just a simple hi. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing egregiously wrong with a simple hi, I just feel like you need to give me something more to work with.

You might ask, why didn’t I just message people myself? Good news is, I did. And I was witty about it. I sent gifs sometimes too. And who doesn’t like funny gifs?Read More »

Sad and rambling #2

Why do I do this? Why do I torture myself talking to him, trying to see if he still cares?

He doesn’t. HE DOESN’T CARE. Not anymore.

I made the right choice, I know I did. It still hurts. It hurts after all this time. It hurts even more that I feel like he just waited for me to do it.

Why couldn’t he have the balls to do it himself? Then maybe I’d have a reason to hate him and it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

It feels like we’re strangers now but we’re not. Far from it.

I still remember how he falls asleep, what his breakfast order is, and the way he used to look at me. I wish I could forget.

I was the one who walked away but I didn’t fall out of love. I still haven’t.

 

The Breakup Chronicles, Chapter 1: The Worst Part of Breaking Up

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years a few months ago. I won’t get into why or what exactly happened, but I am gonna say that there was no big argument.

I can’t say that it was a mutual agreement because honestly, I don’t know that it was.

He was my best friend. I honestly could not imagine my life without him. Our relationship was like two good friends who also just happened to be attracted to each other and make out sometimes.

Which is why I’m incredibly sad and disappointed that we don’t talk anymore. I feel like I not only lost the love of my life but also my best friend.

I’m not mad at him. Not even close. Maybe it’s selfish of me to expect us to just go back to being good friends after what happened.

And even though I know, deep down, that I made the right choice, I still have moments of weakness because it’s so incredibly difficult to know that I’m alone now.

I think the worst part of breaking up is realizing that you no longer have that one person who had your back no matter what.


Click here for the video version.